Speaking of Heads

“If we don’t completely close the border immediately (preferably with an air-tight great-barrier-wall higher than the highest pilot & deeper than the deepest tunnel, all our best marijuana will soon be heading south, following the jobs & money, making a big suck- toking sound.”~~~~G. Whizz Johnson, Party Hearty Candidate

The first presidential candidate to smoke a joint on top of Mount Everest, in a mostly successful effort to keep frost-bite extending from toes to tongue, the nation’s first triathalon governor claims this shows he’s “fit to be prez.” Others, like the yak-herder who described the ex-gov’s fogged goggles, think “fit to be tied” might be more like it.

He hopes to bridge one great divide in American politics, bringing the macho wing of the athletically fit together with stoned couch potatoes for the first time, thanks to the magic of marijuana & mushrooms. The extreme jocks think Johnson nuts for his grass, while the sofa spuds think he’s nuts for his physical extremes. At least they agree he’s nuts. Many  strategic thinkers agree, if only for claiming that if he wins only his home state, he might stop both major-party candidates & send the choice to the House of Representatives.

Though technically possible the election could be sent to the House, one wonders what he  thinks that would accomplish. It certainly wouldn’t be electing him president, raising questions about his strategic assessment of & touch with reality all the higher, Might a Republican majority and a group of renegade Democrats deny both major-party candidates in favor of him? Barely conceivable, even stoned.

PS: Yesterday, he & his girlfriend staged a 70-mile “Fit to be prez!” bike trip from Taos to Santa Fe. How far we’ve come from the days of Easy Rider….

[The Bod Library’s self-reference librarian hopes you’ve found this report healthy, whether you’re being treated with medical MJ or laugh therapy, or, preferably, a holistic combination of lifestyle choices, good humor, good luck & good placebos.]


What do you we have to lose, but our IDIOCRACY?

Though the wording may soon be changing, the New Mexico Constitution has explicitly barred “idiots” from voting since its adoption in 1912. The provision received little attention until a recent upsurge of pro-idiot publicity this election cycle has triggered some alarm.

Pundits have expressed a concern that enforcement of the constitutional provision against idiots could radically affect voter turnout for both major parties, thus tipping the state’s electoral votes to its former governor, who might then hold the outcome in his hands. But not so fast, say others, as significant problems remain with enforcement–the same ones that have stymied those seeking to apply the provision more broadly in the past.

Apparently, the main stumbling block continues to be lack of agreement on who gets to decide who the idiots are. Members of both major parties have long been convinced only an idiot would believe in the other party, for example–except when joining together to keep “the real idiots” in “minor parties” from things like the debate stage.

According to the experts who ought to know, identifying who the idiots are can be complicated by the fact that “It takes one to know one.” So who’s to say?

To add fuel to the fire, in a series of random tests, political scientists have also found that many people react negatively to being called idiots, especially by idiots trying to keep them from voting. They sometimes even change their votes accordingly. These scientists believe one shouldn’t underestimate the pain candidates can endure “biting their tongues,” to avoid calling the other party’s members idiots while still hoping for some of their votes.

Some observers believe there’s a major risk in provoking the “idiot vote backlash,” for which experienced speechwriters routinely substitute a more favorable label, like “silent majority opinion,” “middle class indignation,” or “oxymoron revolution.” Indeed, POMP, the Psychiatric Office of the Mishugunah Peninsula, conducts post-polling surveys that suggest “a majority of voters secretly believe, feel &/or think themselves idiots, morons, oxymorons, or worse,” and that the % has been growing by leaps & bounds lately

At one time, medical dictionaries may have had more or less precise definitions of (as well as tests to scientifically distinguish) minerals & vegetables from nuts & fruits; idiots & morons from nitwits & imbeciles; shooks, shlemeils & shlamozzles from matzoballs, meatheads & crackers; manic-depressives on downers from full-blown maniacs on anti-depressants; etc. Most of their original criteria have since been debunked, delisted, reformulated, revised & revived under more acceptable terminology &/or pill colors, however. Political correctness now wants the Nw Mexico constitution to catch up.

Not surprisingly, parties & political observers don’t always agree with each other. Some say “Idiots & morons are under-represented in congress,” for example, while others say just the reverse. Which is right depends on which idiot you ask, in other words.

In Triumph of the Id, the founder of anal self-analysis, Sigmoid Freud predicted idiots would take over the world, “where they haven’t already.” Later he called his self-analyst “an idiot for doing so, as well as an ego-it for caring, & a super-egoist for promotional purposes, like book blurbs.” In Civilization & Its DIsh (& Stomach) Contents,” he reminded readers “You are what you eat, as well as what you drink, breathe, read, think, make, do, excrete, secrete, dump & vote for.” Critics say he had a “crappy view of the world, starting with his patients.” (He said it started with his parents.)

Although most historians now agree that the idiots have indeed taken over major portions of the institutional world in & out of official government circles, they do not necessarily agree on just which parts. Those in charge offer the standard denials, successfully blocking all attempts at remedial legislation. “What problem?” they ask. “If we’re the idiots, why are we doing so well, compared to the idiots who criticize us–like you?”

When the wry philosopher Lao-Tzu asked, “Am I the one who’s a misguided fool?” most  contemporary pundits responded with a resounding, “YES! You bet!” But Lao himself had already moved on, having foreseen their answer, and now he’s the one considered wise by many “misguided fools” more than two thousand years later, thanks to many translations.

Speaking of which, the New Mexico Supreme Quart has requested a commission to suggest a new wording to replace the now offensive “idiot clause,” preferably one more easily defined & applied, if only to eliminate a small subset of already identified mass murderers & the violently deranged from the eligible voting pool.

The irony is that most idiots don’t bother to vote anyway. Some pro-voting activists have even proposed “not voting” as a defining characteristic of idiocy, & grounds for losing the right as a fit punishment. Others argue that the idiocracy they get is punishment enough. Some avowed oxymorons even remind us that many democracies have voted themselves out of existence, however unwittingly. In a close vote between “voting” & “not voting,” the idiot vote can easily swing the difference, “but so can the morons not voting.”

The self-reference staff & mismanagement here at the Bod Library believe such issues might be clarified with the help of “a new dictionary.” (Since we received that information  via the inner ear, it could also have been transcribed “a nude dictionary.”) Whatever we call it, Dick’s Handy Random Pocket Pinhead Dictionary…may provide contemporary guidance, for compariuson.

Our handiest old collegiate dictionary gives idiot’s roots as idios, one’s own, with idea in the background, but heads downhill from there, “someone with a Lack of Intelligence Quotient of 25 or lower,” thus “an obsolescent term, used only by a very foolish or stupid person.” (Sounds like “it takes one to know one–if only to define the class.”)

Freud’s id, on the other hand, has been called the source of his pleasure principle, that part of the person related to “instinctual drives and psychic energies,” often represented by his cigar, which may not sound half-bad until people start calling you an idiot & not letting you vote. A new definition should address deep idiocy more transparently, however nudely. Some think Freud himself must have considered nudity a sign of idiocy, judging from his triple-vested portraits & lack of weiner-tweets.

Many idealists believe just the reverse, that idiocy is humanity’s more enlightened & natural state, a fact which layers of civilized clothing ultimately fails to hide–even from children, as shown by the popularity of “There is a difference” napkins & neo-nudist revivals, from Tanning Buttocks to Burning Man, & back. (People may forget, albeit with some difficulty, that the modern Burning Man started with a couch & a lit cigar.)

We may note in passing that the New Mexico Constitution does not bar nudists from voting, or from bars, though some local ordinances do. Most practicing nudists live in clothing optional jurisdictions, therefore. No members of a Clothing Optional Party have yet managed to get national exposure in a presidential debate, however, except briefly, and that not by a candidate, but a freckled heckler.

Question about state’s rights rarely address states of nudity, idiocy, confusion, indecision, & the general obfuscation of the electorate. Many states never give their own people a say in whether their government should operate as a complex IDIOCRACYor as a simple-minded DEMOCRAPY, to take a basic example.

If they did, you might well ask what differentiates an Idiocracy from a Democrapy in the first place, & vice from versa. A new dictionary-encyclopedia-atlas-directory might clarify that answer–& more. A little “more on this, a little more on that” eventually adds up to a whole lot more than you expected, thanks to simple re-compounding. (Whether the result is a lot more understanding or confusion may remain to be determined.)

Maybe it’s time to find out more on the idiots we have in high places, low places, & on our own level, wherever that may happen to be. The worst outcome for a state or nation might turn out to be an Idiotic Democrapy, though others fear a Democrapic Idiocracy more. Our pocket pinhead digital dictionary, the standard, calls Democraoy “a crappy democracy,” asking, “Is there any other kind?” It calls an idiocracy, “a crazy state ruled by idiots,” explaining that demo-cracy in Greece becomes demo-crazy in speech slippage.

Those interested in more on this topic should watch out for Dick’s 3rd Naked Pinhead Edition of the Handy Random Pocket Dictionary, due out soon. In the meanwhile, why not consider becoming a member of the Bod Library’s More On Club, if you already aren’t. The more ‘More-Ons’ involved, voting, & paying attention, the better chance the nation has to solve the idiot problem & a whole lot more, at least temporarily.

“More Ons” may be more than a movement, though short of a complete revolution of the screwdriver. For one thing, More-Ons are the idiots worst adversaries, continually getting in the way of their “pleasure principles” by introducing broader, more informed perspectives.

Right now, members of the two major parties look like people on opposite sides of a river yelling at each other, “No, YOU’RE on the OTHER side!” More-On-Club members don’t yell, just shake their heads & jump in after a solution, alligators & all. (Whether they meet in the middle or not may depend on the current.) Is it an accident that the More On Club motto, “More On This, More On That,” can be acronym’d as MOT for short, or MOT MOT, for bigger shorts? And is it just a coincidence that the French word mot happens to be the word for word? Or that mo-mo often follows ma-ma in an infant’s first vocabulary?

More on this, more on that, later, gator–
along with more on the fly & more on the bat,

more on the sharp & more on the flat,
more on the club & its welcome mat.

For more on the rat & the rat-a-tat brat,
burned around the edges like the bureaucrap,  
more on the id & more on the ought
& more on the wisdom my mo-ma taught,

check back soon & check back later,
be a lover, not a hater,
don’t fall in the molten crater,
take it from an old debater.

~~~~~~~No. Please don’t.

~~~~~”MAKE the country HATE AGAIN!”
~~~~~”Make the country late again.”
~~~~~”Late to the party, late to the war.
~~~~~Late to the pyre & the gravestone store.”

~~~~~”Don’t fall for crap from one no greater
~~~~~than head of the Order of the Golden Tater”

The Moron Club: No Cover. No MInimum.
No Maximum for high-scoring mini-golfers.
Mum’s the word on Mime Radio. Mmmmm.

[A personal P.S. I admit having lived long enough, as well as sufficiently wide & crooked, to have experienced idiocy close to home, even without the help of politicians. Nor have I been entirely without a pleasure principle, sometimes even a vice-principal. Nevertheless,  pretty soon the fried chickens come home to roost, & get roasted.

“There’s nothing like a good knight’s roast to remind readers that Otto Correct has added unwanted editing to what was already problematic enough, formerly correct, a designated deconstruction zone, extraordinarily eccliptcal, exoteric & tittilatingly unerotic.

Having said that, however tongue in cheeks, I want to assure my fellow morons (& idiot advocates generally) of my enduring good will, fellowship, & non-financial support of the moronic, the oxymoronic & the idiotic. As a self-identified moron myself, I may hopefully be forgiven for attributing superiority of reasoning capacity to More-Ons generally, especially in comparison to the prospect of idiots running amuck.

Don’t take being called an idiot as necessarily coming from someone who doesn’t know what an idiot is from first hand experience, in other words. On the other hand, I’ll understand you all the more closely if you hold more fond personal affection for the “inner moron,” perhaps the result of early conditioning, brain-washing & rinsing, as with Yours Crudely, growing out of my ‘ears at Mount Moron Academy, in the rain shadow of mighty Mount Moron, one of the dizziest places on the mishugunah earth.

Ra Ra Roll On, Roll On D’ Odorant River.
Moron’s Crew gonna make you shiver.
Give us a slice, we’ll give you back a sliver.
We’ll oar through the ice, & nibble on raw liver. 

The Moron’s colors are maroon on maroon,
our fortune cookie’s a broken macaroon.
every senior gets a silver-plated spoon,
a framed diploma & a helium balloon.

[They don’t call it Moron High for nothing.]

Go, Morons! Go, Go, Maroon Maroon!
Hit that line & read that rune,
we’re up the mountain & down the dune,
If we had a bucket, we might carry a tune.

Oh, well, what the hail, the hail can fall quite hard
in the shadow of Mount Moron, on the old school yard,
where Moron boys recite iambs from the bard,
playing lightning blackjack, yelling, “Hit me!” for a card!

“WIth lightning, beans & thunder,
Moron lads discover wonder.”
~~~~~Rev. B. Knot Moody, Founding Head,
~~~~~Mount Moron Academy for Wayward Lads

“With Latin & then Greek,
they learn to turn the other cheek.”
~~~~~Sister Irma Mossy Moody-Bloom, Founding Head MIstress
~~~~~ Miss Misty’s School, “on its own side of the river for good reason”

[As alumni/ae will already know, the two have long since become one, Mount Miss Moron Academy, considered by many one of the top near-elite prep schools in the nation, if not in the area. Or it might be if it were located somewhere else. See The Mounted Moron Guide to Schools of the Mishugunah Peninsula for a complete rundown, rubdown, & run-over.]

Run over, run over,
for a roll in the clover.
You needn’t run far
to earn the name Rover….

What’s Next?


With all the rapid changes in culture & society recently, more & more people are asking WHAT’S NEXT? To help answer that question, WHAT’S NEXT staff has
# looked into its crystal balls
# consulted prognosticators
# asked experts
# surveyed random people
# spun itself into a dizzy trance
# used proprietary supplements under supervision of a certified shaman
# suggested the following “probabilities”:

The Marine Corps will make SEMPER BI” its alternative motto.

[Not wanting to be left behind, other branches of the Navy will try to stay competitive by advertising its Co-Ed Spirit & LGBT Friendly-Anchors Away atmosphere,” while the submarine service will keep its current motto—“Going Down Together,” which the rest of the Navy has never been comfortable with, ever since first cabled from a sinking ship.]

The LOGOS (Inner Logic) of Sports Logos (#3)

The LOGOS (Inner Logic) of Sports Logos

The logo is a quirky beast
some love the most, some think the least.
No matter whether west or east,
bring the heart to cap the feast….

In the news recently, the Washington Redskins are reaching out to Native Americans, today the Navaho & Zuni. The team’s providing free tickets & a tailgate party for the Zuni, and sponsoring an arts project for the Navaho. News footage shows Native Americans calling the Redskins “our team.”

Whether successfully or not, they are trying to tap the potential for native identification, if only to buffer the attack son their logo from those who consider the name & logo offensive. There ought to be some potential for doing so—just imagine who you would root for if you were Native American, especially against the Cowboys. Clearly, team management wants to turn around what’s been a strong surge in public opinion against the Redskin name—with political pressure brought to bear through the government’s attempt to revoke the Redskin’s trademark.

With some embarrassment, I admit having initially gone along with the public sentiment against the logo, assuming that the slang reference was offensive in itself. The term “redskin” does have some strongly negative associations from various examples of derogatory use. Think cavalry officers, wagon train members & settlers on the frontier, along with the films portraying frontier life.

But is there anything inherently negative in the term itself? Okay, that’s a trick question, at least too tricky for any clear answer. On the one hand, there’s nothing inherently negative in calling people white, pale-skinned, brown, or blacks. On the other hand, negativity is always a function of use, tonally reflecting the user’s attitude, and there’s something potentially offensive in the labeling of a group other than one’s own.

And there’s the rub, because such associations & attitudes have their own meaning in the sports context. The bonding & affection felt for a favorite team goes with the territory, whatever its called–Blue Jays, Tigers, Pirates, Giants, Red Sox, Indians…..  So does the feeling one has for rival teams–most often a kind of ‘play-hostility,” shaking one’s fist at them, yet smiling. Except where the atmosphere is corrupted by hooliganism, fierceness of the on-field competition is balanced by the sense of sportsmanship after.

I may claim to “hate the Yankees,” but it’s a happy hate, after all, with good will, with love of the game deeper in. The enmity, no matter how passionate, is an attenuated version, not the same as what people in violent conflict tend to feel, where loved ones are hurt or  threatened. The positive emotion felt for “one’s own team” seems closer, on the other hand;  although still attenuated, some of the same chemicals, like oxytocin, are involved.

Here’s an interesting twist, however. I don’t believe that the “negativity” one may feel  towards rival sports teams tends to carry over from team logos to real-life correspondents.  You can root for the Patriots to beat the Redskins (or vice versa) without carrying the sense of that rivalry over to actual historical patriots or tribes. How you feel about the Patriots probably doesn’t change how you feel about Paul Revere, Patrick Henry or George Washington. The same is not necessarily so in the other direction, however.

In the case of the Redskins or Indians, I suspect rivals transfer little if any negativity toward real-world correspondences, any more than they do with Padres, Tigers, Giants, Twins, Braves, Jazz, or Warriors. I believe fans of Redskins, Indians, and Braves are much more likely, however, to transfer some of their positive association to real-world groups, including a general sense of group-kinship and group-affection (i.e., positive associations).

I learned the positive side of such identification first-hand in my boyhood as an “Indian,” wearing (& loving) that grinning logo for two years in Little League baseball. Later on, I more or less understood intellectually why others found the caricature offensive, while noting that it evoked nothing in me personally but warmth & affection, for Native Americans as well as for logo & team.

Still, there’s no denying that the grinning Indian of the logo has some characteristics in common with WWII American propaganda portrayals of maniac Japanese kamikaze pilots & Nazi caricatures of Jews. They are all caricatures, after all, grossly exaggerating generic features for dramatic or humorous effect. Out of context, they might not seem that different, yet this seeming similarity is entirely superficial.

Unlike the propaganda posters, the grinning logo is not a racist caricature. A caricature  can be positive as well as negative, evoking affectionate humor rather than fear, disgust and loathing, as show-biz portraits by any admired sketch artist may attest. Or logos. There’s a fundamental difference in how a caricature is used, in other words. Is it used to evoke loathing for “the other” or affection for “one’s own”? When it is used for “one’s own team,” it becomes too positive an identification to mean anything negative, let alone racist.

The twists keep on coming, however, because some indigenous tribe members may well feel that Indian fans, team & players don’t, in fact, have the right to appropriate the association or membership, no matter how positive it makes them feel. Who gave us the right to make ourselves “honorary Indians,” even symbolically?

The intricacies of trademark & logo law are no doubt far beyond the current scope. Judges, lawyers, linguists, and other scholars may argue the differences between Braves, Indians and Redskins, and compare these to Pirates, Padres, Mariners, & Raiders.

How about the Shtetl Rabbis, or the Long Island Jews? Presumably, it depends. Either would be considered positive with Adam Sandler singing its anthem, or significant Jewish engagement. Without actual Jewish team members, it could still be positive–or not, depending on the team attitude toward its own logo.

Let’s face it, a little humor can go a long way, even further for groups that have known serious persecution, where in-group humor is usually part of the healing. Just ask Black comics, Latino comics, women comics, fat comics, nerdy comics, as well as Jewish comics. Sometimes, you have to lighten up in order to heal. (Or in some cases, light up.)

Of course you need to feel something related to these are my totem-people to root for such a team. This core feature makes them radically different from racist use of similar iconography. The Nazis were not about to root for a team with Jewish identity, even one represented by a caricature. Similarly, no one on the American side was rooting for the Kamikaze pilots.

Responding to the negative propaganda use of a caricature feels nothing like the response to a positive use in the logo for a team. The uses (& responses) are night & day apart. There’s a world of difference, 180 degrees at least, between “those dirty Redskins” & “our noble Redskins.” Not that a logo has to be noble. Many start out neutral, developing associations of affection or rivalry from their context, like Orioles, Cardinals, or Mariners.

Many start as totemic symbols representing entities of power, like the Lions, Tigers, Bears,  & Diamondbacks, as well as Giants, Warriors, & Pirates. Other take on potentially totemic associations from use, e.g., the Banana Slugs, Ducks or Cubs. With a good spirit, you can name your team anything—from the Ferrets & Weasels, to the Prairie Chickens, Mongrels & Mishugunah Maniacs.

As long as there’s good-natured humor, your logo can go a long way. Good nature is one thing; humor is another. Put them together, you have a winning combination, or at least a more or less happy one. Just ask the Mishuganahs–but maybe not the Memphis Maggots, Kafka City Cockroaches or any prison team named Forensic Unit Rule-Ball-&-Neck-Breakers. 

All kidding aside, meaning is & isn’t just “in the eye of the beholder.” Sometimes it’s mainly in the tone of voice, intent & actual attitude of the user. Sometimes it’s a finger in the eye of the beholder. We shouldn’t rush to a negative opinion, however, where the use is emphatically positive, & deeply affectionate. On the other hand, that puts some responsibility on the users—not just to be positive unto themselves, but to share their good will with the groups from which they’ve drawn positive associations.

Maybe teams representing endangered species, like the Tigers & Panthers ought to support conservation efforts directed toward their totem species, for example. Even more important, when human groups are ostensibly represented, even just symbolically, teams like the Indians, Redskins, & Braves should be reaching out to include actual Native Americans in their fan-base. As long as they succeed in that, they ought to be able to keep their logos, & even their trademarks.

[Who the Pirates, Raiders,k Buccaneers & Mavericks reach out to is another matter.]

Zen that isn’t

The zen that is written of is not the real zen.
–Bao Lo, Half-baked & Loaded

Zen that isn’t isn’t necessarily either.
–Nozen, By the Dozen

Every stick has at least one end.
–Mullah Murray, Mule Tales

Every end has at least one fork.
–John Dunne, Bridge Tolls for thee 

A licked fork is reward enough. A licked finger is the cook’s gravy.
–Betty Crocked, The Doll House Cookies Cookook

–Bali Hai, Miss Fortune 8


Timeless, Lifeless & Broke.
–Hank Loose, Skank Publishing

Where speech is free, ads are cheap.
The Periphery Center Post Date Record Telegram


Coming Soon, from Be Bop Now Here Press:

From Tinkers to Evers to Chance to Stinkers to Whenever to Probability Wave Theory…
role of the sock hop, skip, trip, & jump in the evolution of cooperation in sports science

From Nothing Appearing, to Nowhere Heading…

Pot-holed roads, rice-paper highways…

Alice’s Zafu Adventures…

Up Clementine’s Mountain….