Speaking of Heads

“If we don’t completely close the border immediately (preferably with an air-tight great-barrier-wall higher than the highest pilot & deeper than the deepest tunnel, all our best marijuana will soon be heading south, following the jobs & money, making a big suck- toking sound.”~~~~G. Whizz Johnson, Party Hearty Candidate

The first presidential candidate to smoke a joint on top of Mount Everest, in a mostly successful effort to keep frost-bite extending from toes to tongue, the nation’s first triathalon governor claims this shows he’s “fit to be prez.” Others, like the yak-herder who described the ex-gov’s fogged goggles, think “fit to be tied” might be more like it.

He hopes to bridge one great divide in American politics, bringing the macho wing of the athletically fit together with stoned couch potatoes for the first time, thanks to the magic of marijuana & mushrooms. The extreme jocks think Johnson nuts for his grass, while the sofa spuds think he’s nuts for his physical extremes. At least they agree he’s nuts. Many  strategic thinkers agree, if only for claiming that if he wins only his home state, he might stop both major-party candidates & send the choice to the House of Representatives.

Though technically possible the election could be sent to the House, one wonders what he  thinks that would accomplish. It certainly wouldn’t be electing him president, raising questions about his strategic assessment of & touch with reality all the higher, Might a Republican majority and a group of renegade Democrats deny both major-party candidates in favor of him? Barely conceivable, even stoned.

PS: Yesterday, he & his girlfriend staged a 70-mile “Fit to be prez!” bike trip from Taos to Santa Fe. How far we’ve come from the days of Easy Rider….

[The Bod Library’s self-reference librarian hopes you’ve found this report healthy, whether you’re being treated with medical MJ or laugh therapy, or, preferably, a holistic combination of lifestyle choices, good humor, good luck & good placebos.]

Gary Johnson, Ahead of his time

A truly non-partisan debate commission, unlike a bi-partisan one, would have a sliding scale poll threshold, e.g., 5% to get in the first, 10% the second, & 15 or 20% for the third.

A World Upside Down: The two two-term Republican governors, one from the old Eastern establishment & the other a Western free-enterprise libertarian, are running as a 3rd party,  while the G.O.P. of Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt & Ike are represented by….

[This post, mostly about Gary in New Mexico, is now in the campaign collection file.]


What do you we have to lose, but our IDIOCRACY?

Though the wording may soon be changing, the New Mexico Constitution has explicitly barred “idiots” from voting since its adoption in 1912. The provision received little attention until a recent upsurge of pro-idiot publicity this election cycle has triggered some alarm.

Pundits have expressed a concern that enforcement of the constitutional provision against idiots could radically affect voter turnout for both major parties, thus tipping the state’s electoral votes to its former governor, who might then hold the outcome in his hands. But not so fast, say others, as significant problems remain with enforcement–the same ones that have stymied those seeking to apply the provision more broadly in the past.

Apparently, the main stumbling block continues to be lack of agreement on who gets to decide who the idiots are. Members of both major parties have long been convinced only an idiot would believe in the other party, for example–except when joining together to keep “the real idiots” in “minor parties” from things like the debate stage.

According to the experts who ought to know, identifying who the idiots are can be complicated by the fact that “It takes one to know one.” So who’s to say?

To add fuel to the fire, in a series of random tests, political scientists have also found that many people react negatively to being called idiots, especially by idiots trying to keep them from voting. They sometimes even change their votes accordingly. These scientists believe one shouldn’t underestimate the pain candidates can endure “biting their tongues,” to avoid calling the other party’s members idiots while still hoping for some of their votes.

Some observers believe there’s a major risk in provoking the “idiot vote backlash,” for which experienced speechwriters routinely substitute a more favorable label, like “silent majority opinion,” “middle class indignation,” or “oxymoron revolution.” Indeed, POMP, the Psychiatric Office of the Mishugunah Peninsula, conducts post-polling surveys that suggest “a majority of voters secretly believe, feel &/or think themselves idiots, morons, oxymorons, or worse,” and that the % has been growing by leaps & bounds lately

At one time, medical dictionaries may have had more or less precise definitions of (as well as tests to scientifically distinguish) minerals & vegetables from nuts & fruits; idiots & morons from nitwits & imbeciles; shooks, shlemeils & shlamozzles from matzoballs, meatheads & crackers; manic-depressives on downers from full-blown maniacs on anti-depressants; etc. Most of their original criteria have since been debunked, delisted, reformulated, revised & revived under more acceptable terminology &/or pill colors, however. Political correctness now wants the Nw Mexico constitution to catch up.

Not surprisingly, parties & political observers don’t always agree with each other. Some say “Idiots & morons are under-represented in congress,” for example, while others say just the reverse. Which is right depends on which idiot you ask, in other words.

In Triumph of the Id, the founder of anal self-analysis, Sigmoid Freud predicted idiots would take over the world, “where they haven’t already.” Later he called his self-analyst “an idiot for doing so, as well as an ego-it for caring, & a super-egoist for promotional purposes, like book blurbs.” In Civilization & Its DIsh (& Stomach) Contents,” he reminded readers “You are what you eat, as well as what you drink, breathe, read, think, make, do, excrete, secrete, dump & vote for.” Critics say he had a “crappy view of the world, starting with his patients.” (He said it started with his parents.)

Although most historians now agree that the idiots have indeed taken over major portions of the institutional world in & out of official government circles, they do not necessarily agree on just which parts. Those in charge offer the standard denials, successfully blocking all attempts at remedial legislation. “What problem?” they ask. “If we’re the idiots, why are we doing so well, compared to the idiots who criticize us–like you?”

When the wry philosopher Lao-Tzu asked, “Am I the one who’s a misguided fool?” most  contemporary pundits responded with a resounding, “YES! You bet!” But Lao himself had already moved on, having foreseen their answer, and now he’s the one considered wise by many “misguided fools” more than two thousand years later, thanks to many translations.

Speaking of which, the New Mexico Supreme Quart has requested a commission to suggest a new wording to replace the now offensive “idiot clause,” preferably one more easily defined & applied, if only to eliminate a small subset of already identified mass murderers & the violently deranged from the eligible voting pool.

The irony is that most idiots don’t bother to vote anyway. Some pro-voting activists have even proposed “not voting” as a defining characteristic of idiocy, & grounds for losing the right as a fit punishment. Others argue that the idiocracy they get is punishment enough. Some avowed oxymorons even remind us that many democracies have voted themselves out of existence, however unwittingly. In a close vote between “voting” & “not voting,” the idiot vote can easily swing the difference, “but so can the morons not voting.”

The self-reference staff & mismanagement here at the Bod Library believe such issues might be clarified with the help of “a new dictionary.” (Since we received that information  via the inner ear, it could also have been transcribed “a nude dictionary.”) Whatever we call it, Dick’s Handy Random Pocket Pinhead Dictionary…may provide contemporary guidance, for compariuson.

Our handiest old collegiate dictionary gives idiot’s roots as idios, one’s own, with idea in the background, but heads downhill from there, “someone with a Lack of Intelligence Quotient of 25 or lower,” thus “an obsolescent term, used only by a very foolish or stupid person.” (Sounds like “it takes one to know one–if only to define the class.”)

Freud’s id, on the other hand, has been called the source of his pleasure principle, that part of the person related to “instinctual drives and psychic energies,” often represented by his cigar, which may not sound half-bad until people start calling you an idiot & not letting you vote. A new definition should address deep idiocy more transparently, however nudely. Some think Freud himself must have considered nudity a sign of idiocy, judging from his triple-vested portraits & lack of weiner-tweets.

Many idealists believe just the reverse, that idiocy is humanity’s more enlightened & natural state, a fact which layers of civilized clothing ultimately fails to hide–even from children, as shown by the popularity of “There is a difference” napkins & neo-nudist revivals, from Tanning Buttocks to Burning Man, & back. (People may forget, albeit with some difficulty, that the modern Burning Man started with a couch & a lit cigar.)

We may note in passing that the New Mexico Constitution does not bar nudists from voting, or from bars, though some local ordinances do. Most practicing nudists live in clothing optional jurisdictions, therefore. No members of a Clothing Optional Party have yet managed to get national exposure in a presidential debate, however, except briefly, and that not by a candidate, but a freckled heckler.

Question about state’s rights rarely address states of nudity, idiocy, confusion, indecision, & the general obfuscation of the electorate. Many states never give their own people a say in whether their government should operate as a complex IDIOCRACYor as a simple-minded DEMOCRAPY, to take a basic example.

If they did, you might well ask what differentiates an Idiocracy from a Democrapy in the first place, & vice from versa. A new dictionary-encyclopedia-atlas-directory might clarify that answer–& more. A little “more on this, a little more on that” eventually adds up to a whole lot more than you expected, thanks to simple re-compounding. (Whether the result is a lot more understanding or confusion may remain to be determined.)

Maybe it’s time to find out more on the idiots we have in high places, low places, & on our own level, wherever that may happen to be. The worst outcome for a state or nation might turn out to be an Idiotic Democrapy, though others fear a Democrapic Idiocracy more. Our pocket pinhead digital dictionary, the standard, calls Democraoy “a crappy democracy,” asking, “Is there any other kind?” It calls an idiocracy, “a crazy state ruled by idiots,” explaining that demo-cracy in Greece becomes demo-crazy in speech slippage.

Those interested in more on this topic should watch out for Dick’s 3rd Naked Pinhead Edition of the Handy Random Pocket Dictionary, due out soon. In the meanwhile, why not consider becoming a member of the Bod Library’s More On Club, if you already aren’t. The more ‘More-Ons’ involved, voting, & paying attention, the better chance the nation has to solve the idiot problem & a whole lot more, at least temporarily.

“More Ons” may be more than a movement, though short of a complete revolution of the screwdriver. For one thing, More-Ons are the idiots worst adversaries, continually getting in the way of their “pleasure principles” by introducing broader, more informed perspectives.

Right now, members of the two major parties look like people on opposite sides of a river yelling at each other, “No, YOU’RE on the OTHER side!” More-On-Club members don’t yell, just shake their heads & jump in after a solution, alligators & all. (Whether they meet in the middle or not may depend on the current.) Is it an accident that the More On Club motto, “More On This, More On That,” can be acronym’d as MOT for short, or MOT MOT, for bigger shorts? And is it just a coincidence that the French word mot happens to be the word for word? Or that mo-mo often follows ma-ma in an infant’s first vocabulary?

More on this, more on that, later, gator–
along with more on the fly & more on the bat,

more on the sharp & more on the flat,
more on the club & its welcome mat.

For more on the rat & the rat-a-tat brat,
burned around the edges like the bureaucrap,  
more on the id & more on the ought
& more on the wisdom my mo-ma taught,

check back soon & check back later,
be a lover, not a hater,
don’t fall in the molten crater,
take it from an old debater.

~~~~~~~No. Please don’t.

~~~~~”MAKE the country HATE AGAIN!”
~~~~~”Make the country late again.”
~~~~~”Late to the party, late to the war.
~~~~~Late to the pyre & the gravestone store.”

~~~~~”Don’t fall for crap from one no greater
~~~~~than head of the Order of the Golden Tater”

The Moron Club: No Cover. No MInimum.
No Maximum for high-scoring mini-golfers.
Mum’s the word on Mime Radio. Mmmmm.

[A personal P.S. I admit having lived long enough, as well as sufficiently wide & crooked, to have experienced idiocy close to home, even without the help of politicians. Nor have I been entirely without a pleasure principle, sometimes even a vice-principal. Nevertheless,  pretty soon the fried chickens come home to roost, & get roasted.

“There’s nothing like a good knight’s roast to remind readers that Otto Correct has added unwanted editing to what was already problematic enough, formerly correct, a designated deconstruction zone, extraordinarily eccliptcal, exoteric & tittilatingly unerotic.

Having said that, however tongue in cheeks, I want to assure my fellow morons (& idiot advocates generally) of my enduring good will, fellowship, & non-financial support of the moronic, the oxymoronic & the idiotic. As a self-identified moron myself, I may hopefully be forgiven for attributing superiority of reasoning capacity to More-Ons generally, especially in comparison to the prospect of idiots running amuck.

Don’t take being called an idiot as necessarily coming from someone who doesn’t know what an idiot is from first hand experience, in other words. On the other hand, I’ll understand you all the more closely if you hold more fond personal affection for the “inner moron,” perhaps the result of early conditioning, brain-washing & rinsing, as with Yours Crudely, growing out of my ‘ears at Mount Moron Academy, in the rain shadow of mighty Mount Moron, one of the dizziest places on the mishugunah earth.

Ra Ra Roll On, Roll On D’ Odorant River.
Moron’s Crew gonna make you shiver.
Give us a slice, we’ll give you back a sliver.
We’ll oar through the ice, & nibble on raw liver. 

The Moron’s colors are maroon on maroon,
our fortune cookie’s a broken macaroon.
every senior gets a silver-plated spoon,
a framed diploma & a helium balloon.

[They don’t call it Moron High for nothing.]

Go, Morons! Go, Go, Maroon Maroon!
Hit that line & read that rune,
we’re up the mountain & down the dune,
If we had a bucket, we might carry a tune.

Oh, well, what the hail, the hail can fall quite hard
in the shadow of Mount Moron, on the old school yard,
where Moron boys recite iambs from the bard,
playing lightning blackjack, yelling, “Hit me!” for a card!

“WIth lightning, beans & thunder,
Moron lads discover wonder.”
~~~~~Rev. B. Knot Moody, Founding Head,
~~~~~Mount Moron Academy for Wayward Lads

“With Latin & then Greek,
they learn to turn the other cheek.”
~~~~~Sister Irma Mossy Moody-Bloom, Founding Head MIstress
~~~~~ Miss Misty’s School, “on its own side of the river for good reason”

[As alumni/ae will already know, the two have long since become one, Mount Miss Moron Academy, considered by many one of the top near-elite prep schools in the nation, if not in the area. Or it might be if it were located somewhere else. See The Mounted Moron Guide to Schools of the Mishugunah Peninsula for a complete rundown, rubdown, & run-over.]

Run over, run over,
for a roll in the clover.
You needn’t run far
to earn the name Rover….


Imagine John Lennon rolling over in his grave. Imagine.
Imagine Joe McCarthy, Roy Cohn or Vladimir Putin as president.

Now can you imagine Donald’s “Law & Order,” & how much actual disorder & discord would inevitably result? (And the widespread disrespect for law that would get provoked?)

It’s reported that only 19% of Americans now think their government will tend to do the right thing, down from 77% in the mid-1960s (a steep slide coming, thanks to LBJ & RN). Nixon ran on “law & order,” and look where that went–anything BUT…..

Nothing erodes trust faster than language designed without respect to reality, to mislead for a personal end, using a touchstone entirely tactical, advantage-seeking, soon infecting the entire system & society at large…. [Rests of this in “Year of the Fluke” pdf.]


Trump’s Mega Merger–Semper Bi

No, TP has not (yet) put his Trump-Putin, Eastern Ukranian-Estonian-Balonian reverse bankruptcy takeover plan on the table–or much of anything else that might be called a “plan.” There are plenty of abstract generalities & assertions of pie in the sky, but the plans themselves, if there are any, are kept under wraps, presumably for good reason.

As practice for the blind trust he’ll put his kids in charge of after he’s elected, we hear he’s putting Trump Steaks, Miss Universe & Trump University together in a new entity to be called Trump Universe of Miss Steaks University, Inc. (TUMSUi). Headquartered in the Trump-owned Bone Inn, site of the annual Miss Gristle Pageant, TUMSUi is already being sued by various “losers” disgruntled over the company’s bait-&-switch policy. “We thought we were getting lobsters, but got bait instead.”

Some evangelicals, meanwhile, are still having conniptions over their presumptive nominee’s “New York values.” Despite throwing them a bone or two in Pense & Platform, the supreme leader has been acting friendlier to the LGBTQ community than to Muslims, Mexicans, & Nato, an attitude seemingly at odds with both Pense & the Platform. He’s said that trans-gender guests at his Defunc’t Casino can use whatever bathrooms they want, all of which are now equipped with T-P monogrammed T P, which some think a harbinger of the Trump-Putin partnership being rolled out behind the scenes.

Apparently Trump’s campaign manager has worked (&/or is still working) for the Russian-supported ex-Ukranian president who fled back to Russia when his lavish lifestyle & iffy deals became public, with ties to Putin & the Russian-supported Eastern Ukranian separatists (who want to separate only long enough to be annexed to Mother Russia). “Remember the Alamo,” said Putin, on horseback. “Crimea River,” said Trump. “No, think bigger. Crimea Peninsula.”

On reflection, not even the peninsula, river & rest of the Ukraine was big enough for the likes of either half of the T-P partnership. Putin insisted that deep down, anyplace where Russian was spoken, heard, &/or listened to over Radio Free Siberia was rightfully his, or Russia’s, whichever came first (a joke, since they were one & the same). Chechens in exile immediately asked about places like Chechnya where Russian was not spoken.

“You must be crazy,” mocked Putin, “or deaf, because there are huge numbers of Russian speakers there, mostly armed & in uniform.” Of course the situation was worse in places like Estonia where Russian speakers had no armed forces to protect them from cultural oppression by Estonian nationalists, under the guise of protecting their own country. .

Trump himself has bigger fish to fry, & real estate to deal. Some say he’s already looking beyond not just the election, but his consolidation of American power. “It’s big country, but  let’s face it, it’s not as huge as…the galaxy, or even the whole universe.”

Those who suspect a mild case of megalomania may take comfort in the fact that he remains keenly aware of the scope of that challenge. “I alone can fix it,” may work for the problems of a single country, even a super-power like the U.S. of A., but not the universe at large. That will require others pitching in, notably including the marines.

And that’s where we hear he’s taking some flack from Evangelicas over his support for a Mornangelical plan to make SEMPER BI the new Marine Corps motto. As distinct from their evening brethren, the Mornangelicals were Moron-Angelicals who shortened their name to join Reagan’s Morning in America Revolution. “Feel the heartburn.”

Trump reportedly said he’d deny supporting the motto change if the story got out before the election, at which he immediately let the story out by tweet. Did that mean he would or would not support Semper Bi, reporters asked. “Yes. I will or won’t, whichever is most appropriate,” he answered, apparently in a more responsive mood than usual.

Some believe this reflects his deal-making style–leaving things ambiguous, with enough wiggle room to turn completely around, and inside out if necessary, based on future convenience & personal advantages not yet clear. The only thing better than wiggle room is: a) making others squirm; b) bankruptcy; c) casino chits; d) doubling down; eczema.

One thing that is clear, however, is that this is the first American election in which the same person wrote the best speech for both major-party conventions–Michelle Obama. I guess it’s like the old saw, often repeated, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” And stealing is the fastest way to get what you don’t have, when what you don’t have is something to say for yourself in your own words.

And while it’s surprising they’d want to flatter Mrs. Obama, whose hand in Mrs. Trump 3rd’s speech they first denied as a ridiculous charge (until the denial was obviously far more so when the two were examined side by side), you’ve got to admit she’s a wonderful role model–though not for plagiarism. With such large chunks involved, It’s less understandable how no one caught it in house, or considered it wrong. Or thought no one else would notice.

Plagiarism, submitting someone else’s words as your own, used to be frowned on, except by poor students facing threatening deadlines, risking a failing grade in the course to avoid an F on the poor &/or missing paper. Then came Wikipedia, the creative commons, & a generous view of the “public domain,” which, as Trump followers have long noted, can be a conveniently free source of private value.

“What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours, his & hers is mine too.” Although offered as a “sure-fire formula for financial success” at prestigious institutions like Trump U., this may not have the ring of an “e pluribus unum” as a guiding principle for the nation or its titular head as a hole. For that, the new coinage will carry mottos for both heads & tails: “I assert, so you can believe it. ” & “In the Donald, we trust.” Believe it [& trust at your own risk]. –July 26, 2016

PS This was written before various DNC speakers said the same thing last night, including the vice-presidential nominee. Others said they trusted the country not to be conned, while both doing & encouraging the work necessary to help make sure. It’s not something to talk for granted. More or less good people–& even countries–sometimes do stupid things. –July 28

Garrison Keillor’s take

The end is upon usbut here’s a deal for you, Author: Garrison Keillor Published 1 day ago—July 23, 2016 Alaska Dispatch News
 A week ago I felt good about America but no more. Coyotes are running freely in the streets of our big cities, the stock market is teetering on the verge of collapse, the monetary system will soon go belly-up, China and North Korea and Iran have a knife to our throats, our schools are in chaos, politicians corrupt, the media stupefied by political correctness, and everywhere you look you hear foreign accents. We are on the edge of the abyss. [The chock full article is included in the “Year of the Fluke” pdf., code-word & all.]

Chief Big Dark Cloud

“It’s always darkest just before it’s pitch black.” –Mark Shields, PBS’ RNC coverage

The Big Dark Cloud could be the title of Trump’s acceptance speech, more for what it was in itself than for the world it supposedly represented. It was an hour & a quarter harangue of shrill shouting over a projected doom & gloom it claimed itself the antidote to, more accurately the agent of, guaranteed to stoke the nation’s amorphous fears & lynch-mob indignation as self-fulfilling justification of its radical disruptiveness.

The perverse irony is that, were he to get elected, he could very well bring the country & world the very dark cloud he rails at, being partly his own projection–though not his alone, tapping into a substratum of the social psyche easily stirred up. I imagine the extremists he uses as his foil hope for his election to turn a much larger segment of the Islamic world  anti-American, shifting the balance against the west as it polarizes around a Muslim-Christian split rather than around the distinction between violent separatist extremism & pluralist, multi-cultural modernism.

Given the strange electoral climate, & the amount of scattered madness in the world, the strategy of sowing fear, gloom & doom could just work, remaking the atmosphere sufficiently in that direction to get elected–despite its dislocation from the original facts. If so, it will be because of a bad combination of circumstances & the lingering effectiveness of demagogy–starting with repetitive assertion, viscerally delivered.

[The full article is in the “Year of the Fluke” pdf., including the “Way of the Assertion,” & its key example, “I alone can fix it.”]